My hated love...

Flower hates the bee for hurting its feelings time and again, year after year... But flower cannot live without the bee... When the bee is around it's in pain, it cries... When the bee flies away, it dies...

Alone...

Flower can live in the rain forest and not flourish... It can lose its beauty when it finds out where you were that night... Whose arms picked you from the stem and took you away... It died when it saw you going away on your own... Alone... 

Rose turned yellow... Sunflower without its Sun... me without mine... you without yours...

Pain...

My pen doesn't write... My mind doesn't work... My pillow is wet... My phone has been broken... Memories have been shattered... 

Rain...

The end of an era where we never thought... where we never imagined... The work of one destined both... Diamonds fell... Crystals broken... Visions wet... The end in second version... The end seems to never end...

***

When I was a kid, I looked at my dad's car and I saw my own face reflecting from the shiny part on the metal. I thought to myself that there is an audience that I can talk to and tell my life story. I was only seven. Now that audience has seen all of my life, so far... 

I have started a tradition for myself. Every now and then I looked into a mirror: 

"This has been my life so far, watch the rest of it live"

My dad has long been gone from this world... My eyes have drained from crying for him... I miss him dearly and I miss the childhood years of irresponsibility and carelessness... Today I am all alone... In every sense of the way...

Drained...

My life has not been fair, so far... People that I cared for and loved returned it with the sharpness of their knives... I knowingly turned my other cheek for them to do as they wish... Sometimes what you wish for is not what it is and what you know is the real truth yet you put your head in sand and think the world around you might turn the way you want and by the time you reveal yourself you painfully realize that what has been left of you has turned into dust...

Lust...

I want to be sorry for all that I have done but I don't know who to say sorry to... I don't know why and where my deeds have gone wrong that deserving is my punishment.

"This has been my life so far, watch the rest of it live"

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Blue

People are the most awesome creatures in the world. The are capable of tearing your heart without touching it, killing your soul without seeing it, believing in God without knowing her, love without feeling it, love without meaning it, care without wanting it, lie without honesty, cry with emptiness, fake with every breath and run when easiest.

There are those who are worth your every breath, your every moment, your every feelings. Correction. To think as if there are more than one would be a mistake, a lie! To think that more than one person can be a true friend is "beyond the scope of this course" as they always say. There is always that one odd person who will lend you an ear, hit you in the head, and tell you the truth as they see it. 

Mine is one. One that I can always count on. One that time and again showed me the true color of people. Clear, Transparent blue...

Aras River, Iran

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What you are made of!

Garbage smells better, fat is more rigid, darkness is brighter, dust is more loyal, ash is higher, ice is hotter and fire is cooler...

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Trust

When you walk at night, darkness covers all of what you don't see. These are the same streets, the same trees line the same sides. Everything looks like nothing. We trust darkness with every step, every breath and ever so bravely...

The Ocean is dark and scary at night. This is the same Ocean that blanketed beautiful girls and confidant men during the day. Reflected the Sun and raised waves. It is quiet and speechless. We trust darkness with every dive, every breath we hold and ever so bravely...

Darkness is the boiling point of any cycle. Once reached it is the end of one... Once passed it is the beginning of the rest... 

Day will come and another beginning struggles to beg for your trust. The trust that you so bravely gave into nothing, darkness, walking its nights and swimming its waters... We struggle to trust what we see, feel and touch yet give it to all that we don't know...

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The corner

We hate school but we miss it when we graduate. We hate our jobs but we miss it when we quit. We hate to hate but we miss it when we love. We hate to fall but we love it when in love. We hate our views but we miss it when we lose our vision. We hate our vision but we miss it when we change it. 

We miss a page when we turn it. We miss the past when we turn a corner.

 The other side, unknown. But it is the unknown that solves problems. Sometimes I wish to be unknown. The cloud is raining, the street is turning, the light and I are sleeping. 

Am I turning the corner or is the corner turning?

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Grandma Saba...

Ever since I moved in here a complete stranger who is the my landlord's mother comes to my window and says hi and asks me how I'm doing. She always bakes different goodies and offers some to me. The sense of caring in a stranger made me revise my belief on people. Maybe the true sense of caring emerges from the people we least expect. I call her grandma Saba...

I was born an Ocean away and lived miles away yet my heart can connect to an old woman living on an Island that no one has heard of! Makes you wonder why then people who live in the same country and share so much culture have the least of respect for one another! Makes you wonder how we can offer bombs and violence rather than freshly baked cookies from grandma Saba...

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Tonight

Everyone is the same in a way... People live in the moment... People listen to the words of the world around them rather than the beats of their heart... Pride and popularity has replaced dignity and respect... Love has become void... Lost has become reality... The princess will find her prince and yet again might her crown be crushed by the darkness of night... Tonight...

The knife on her back pains to keep the blood in, hoping perhaps that the blood will keep her heart warm... 

That was one roller coaster of a life time. One in number and the ride, well... bumpy as it can ever be... The accident waiting to happen... Maybe... The great times in between, happiness that brought the world down on their knees mattered no more as it ended in pouring rain of an eye... That is all that mattered? All that happened? All that was lost, it was all worth it, it seems... Happiness at last... It may last...

Life is a lie from its start to its end. They celebrate when we cry into this world and they cry when we happily exit! Happily exit!

No matter what, there was one thing you forgot! A promise never fulfilled!

The End!

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Tick Tock!

The clock is ticking quite literally in front of me on the wall. The curtains are all shut, the dishes are washed, the bed is alone, the dog is sad, the TV is off and the dining table has yellow fake flowers at the center.

Shut, washed, alone, sad, off and fake flowers from the past... 

I thought time does not exist, Einstein told us that... 

why do we still follow something that is proven to be not there? 

Do we always wish for things to be there when they really aren't? 

The clock is ticking in front of me on the wall, the music is blasting, the sun is shining, the water is pure, the air is fresh, the future is promising, and the shelf on the wall has books inside...

Blasting, shining, pure, fresh, promising and books on the shelf into the future...

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Who had the will?

Who will I be telling how my day was? Who will I be asking? Who will I be bugging? Who will drive the long roads? Who will argue? Who will love? Who will hate? Who will agree? Who will dissagree? Who will go to NYC? Who will be there delilah in NYC? Who will take bad photos? Who will go to goodlife? Who will be in front of Zara? Who will walk in Yorkville? Who will be with the Yorkie? Who will impersonate me? Who will touch? Who will do the sheesha? Who will make fun of me? Who will kiss an eye? Who will show me the way? Who will awaken me? 

I need to be awaken to a new reality! Not until today that ever seemed real! Not until now that, real was so unreal! 

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Change!

Day after day, I get on the same bus with the same people to go to the same school, the same classes with the same people behind the same desks to learn different things. That's life, isn't it! In all that is the same you can only learn from what changes... 

I am ready... I am determined... I am excited... and I must chose the path of change!

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

Mahatma Ghandi

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Love vs. Like

If I have learned anything from Saba, a volcanic Island, it would be how to vent!

This is my way to vent out my frustration from all that goes around me. From all that I see, all that I feel and all that I experience! I am not perfect nor is the world around me and if I recall two wrongs don't make anything right! So what do we do... we subtract and hope for the best! But that has its side-effects as well... It reduces from the equation, the equation that is us. Tell me why do people love to live...to... live to love? Isn't this question an equation? at the beginning addition may lead to multiplication... at the end subtraction, division and despair!

I also learned something else that is resolve, I know that like dissolves like and I know that this like out there is so much greater than love!

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Mastering Medicine!

Today was a great day for me at school, as the materials were mostly review and also I made a big decision to sign in for Masters of Science in Hyperbaric Medicine while on Saba. This way I can obtain my MSc. degree in 2009 when I leave the Island and my M.D. well... that would be in 4 years!!

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Clinton vs. Obama!

The thing I want to point out is that Clinton had issued authorization for IRAQ war and now she is running against a republican who is for the same war and at the same time she is advocating a war against Iran! 

Let me remind you that they are accusing Iran of killing American soldiers and no one is threatening Iran against any action while everyone is harsh in threatening Iran over any actions it might take on Israel! Do you see where I'm going with this? All that we hear are simple politics that are happening here to win over jewish votes! The sad of the situation is that people know that Iran has not provoked a war for centuries and even after the 1979 revolution while both Israel and the US have done so many times over! not to mention the provocation of Iraq to attack Iran with WMD! Yet right about the election time they are all worried about and Iran attack on Israel!? Shocking?! not really! this sort of politics are not that different from that of the Iranian side! Right about the election time in Iran you also hear of imminent US or Israeli attack on Iran to persuade the voters towards the conservatives! 

Now I thought Clinton is not running as a conservative here yet in every policy difference that she has from Obama you smell conservatism! Remember the Republican numinee also wants to attack Iran! Clinton is trying to run as a conservative against Obama! This is a disaster from a loser who is trying to win a losing battle!

I simply don't trust a person who is for obliterating another UN member country (Iran) while this same person authorized a war for another UN member country (Iraq).

Besides if these people can not win a war against Iraq let alone achieving their objectives who in the world would think they would win anything against Iran! Also note that Iran is not stupid to invade Israel they won a war with them through Lebanon and that was enough to put them in place!

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Last Night!

It is the last night of my educational freedom yet these are the beginning of mine! 

In the last few days I have walked to tallest point on the mountains and to the lowest point by the ocean. I have seen snakes and feathers on top, fish and larvae at the bottom. I have touched the shore and felt the clouds. Yet they were not the same... not the same! The scenery from the top to the bottom captured me breathtakingly. It was only nature that at times aloud me to feel alive. It was mother

 nature who mothered me at times and I felt the warmth... I have tried not to think but there is only one thing you can do alone on an Island and that happens to be thinking! At times I plagiarized my thoughts with side orders of dreams and felt the pain of reality. At the darkest moments of loneliness though I saw a man, whose hands helped me at the heights of a fall. Without his hands I would have fallen into muddy hills of mt. scenery. Hey there are good people out there...

The future may be whatever it brags to be, but today... Today I am mourning my past with its people and events and trying hard to take myself from it into the present. The present starts tomorrow and tomorrow starts in a car of a stranger who has offered to take me. Hey there are good people out there...

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On Saba!

When I arrived on the Island I was surrounded by many of my future friends and yet I wanted to be alone, I put on my ipod and wanted to sleep. For nearly two hours I stared at the dark ocean while the ferry was dancing at night. My dog shared this feeling with me it seemed. It was not to turn out this way, and I was not to be alone! It turns out that no matter what you think of future, it will surprise you. Reaching the dock was the only thing to look forward to, remember the plan the one that we would get out and show our passports well I did that and he asked me a questions and I said no and then I found myself in your shoes... I ended up helping someone else. I felt the water hated me, why then would it turn black the night I arrive. I thought I would be left alone by the port, but I got lucky for a change and there he was asking me if I need a taxi. 

I went home called, cried and slept.

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